A Series of Practices to Cultivate Strength and Resilience – Loving Kindness Meditation

“It’s all just too much.” 

This was the subject line of a digital news article I read recently, referring to the deadly pandemic, racial injustices, and a divided country. The author highlighted that African Americans, in particular, are paying a high price in terms of deaths, economic disparity, and declining mental health. 

We see this and too many other heartbreaking injustices in daily life. I’m noticing my character strength of fairness being triggered often, and I’ve come to realize that one of the small things I can do to help is share strength-based practices.

Collectively, we might not be able to solve these injustices in an instant, but we can bring more humanity into daily life and lessen the divisions that exist. Even within families, people with whom we disagree, and people we’ve never met. 

There’s something we can all do right now to help ease the pain and suffering: practice a loving-kindness meditation (LKM). Rooted in the humanity virtue, this practice helps you mentally direct love and kindness to yourself and others.

The Inspiration

We all have the capacity to show kindness, but too often we direct it towards certain people or groups, and not others. Ironically, it’s not unusual to neglect those we love the most, showing them the least amount of kindness and love.  

Research on the LKM highlights a wide array of positive results, many of which are needed at this time in our history. Obviously, performing LKM strengthens our expression of love and kindness, but you might not be aware that it also helps us react more positively to others, reduces the focus on ourselves, and helps reduce racial bias. Even a short session under 10 minutes can provide benefits. 

To feel the inspiration, you should give it a try yourself.

The Practice

The loving kindness meditation is about mentally directing goodwill inward toward ourselves and outward toward others by repeating a series of 4 phrases, silently or out loud.

You will complete it four times. The first time through, direct the loving-kindness inward. Repeat the following phrases to yourself as you close your eyes and breathe deeply:

May I (you, we all) feel protected and safe.
May I (you, we all) be healthy and well.
May I (you, we all) experience joy and happiness often.
May I (you, we all) live with ease.

The second time through, direct the loving-kindness toward someone you feel thankful for such as a loved one or someone who has helped you. Close your eyes and bring that person to mind. Picture why you’re thankful or why you love this person. Then begin the LKM.

Next, challenge yourself to direct loving kindness to someone whom you are not fond of. This might be easier than you think and help you to feel better about the internal dissonance you feel. This person might be someone you know or someone you’ve never met. Close your eyes and picture this person, then begin.

Finally, close your eyes and widen your view to family, your community, country, and the world. Direct loving kindness to all. Try it yourself, then share it with others.

The Reflection

I felt differently after completing the loving kindness meditation.
This difference can be described as ______________.

Perhaps you felt, as I did, that your sense of human connection was reinforced and that we are truly in this together.  Perhaps you felt more at ease or relaxed.  Feel free to elaborate on your reflection by journaling about it or discussing it with a trusted friend or colleague.

May you live with ease.

With love and kindness,

A Series of Practices to Cultivate Strength and Resilience – The Mindful Pause

To say we are in a time of unprecedented upheaval would be a gross understatement, given the pandemic, economic downturn, and widespread looting and rioting in the United States. Still, as we face the difficult challenges of rebuilding and making systemic societal changes, there are many inspiring opportunities to also build up hope, courage, and each other. 

We can probably benefit the most from strength-based practices during times like these. They can shift who we are and how we approach adversity. However, the challenge is it’s difficult in the moment to shift from fear, frustration, anger, and anxiety – when I’m certainly not at my best – to peace, strength, and good will to others. 

Nonetheless, we can choose to respond from a position of strength rather than raw emotion. The question is how? When life is humming along smoothly, it’s easier to envision staying in the strengths lane. What about when we feel chronically anxious and stressed? 

The practice below is a method that can help you shift your inner feelings and perspective from anxiety to strength, even when that may feel impossible to achieve. It prepares you to choose how you will face what comes next in your day. 

It isn’t a cure-all, but it can certainly become one of your go-to practices. You’ll need no special materials for this simple, 60-second practice. Best of all, you can do it almost anywhere, anytime. It’s called the Mindful Pause.  

The Inspiration

You have the power to choose your response to virtually every situation you face. As you think about tackling your next life challenge, ask yourself: “Who do I wish to be in the face of this next challenge?”

Whether you’re preparing to address a friend or family member with conflicting views or mustering up the courage to have a conversation with your kids about social injustice, this practice is a helpful tool to get you grounded in strength and resilience.

Many prefer to be grounded in character strengths – for instance, bravery, perseverance, prudence, or kindness – rather than fear and anxiety. If you’re unsure of your unique blend of character strengths, feel free to take the free character strengths survey to discover yours.

The Mindful Pause is a powerful research-based character strengths intervention that I chose to feature in my guidebook, 30 Days of Character Strengths, because of its ease and impact. I love sharing this practice with friends, family, clients, and webinar participants because they quickly experience the shift from not being at their best to inner strength and authenticity. 

Personally, I like to take Mindful Pauses throughout my day. For instance, I pause before presentations, client calls, and team meetings. Just ask my marketing team at Grotto Marketing – we’re all taking a Mindful Pause before each of our calls to feel strengths-fueled and ready to tackle what’s on our agenda. 

Give it a try! 

The Practice

The Mindful Pause has three simple steps:

  1. Pause, close your eyes, and take six deep breaths. Remember to match the length of your inhalations and exhalations. As your mind wanders during this short time, which it will do, simply bring your focus back to your breath. 
  2. After you’ve taken six breaths, silently ask yourself the following question: Which of my character strengths will help me with what comes next? Allow one strength to come into your awareness, and try not to force one in.
  3. Take one final breath, open your eyes, and shift your awareness to the present moment. Consider the strength that came to mind and think of one way to apply that strength as you continue your day.

As you begin this practice, the graphic below is a handy reminder of the 24 character strengths. In addition, this website is a helpful resource that offers ways to put strengths into action. Simply click on the strength you chose. 

The Reflection

The Mindful Pause helped me shift from _________ to _________.

In other words, how were you thinking, feeling, or behaving before you took the pause? Who or what did it allow you to shift into? Perhaps you shifted from anxious to focused, or confused to confident. Feel free to elaborate by journaling or discussing with a trusted friend or colleague.

May you go forward, grounded in what’s best within you and ready to face what’s next, with strength and resilience.