Whether you’re stretching outside your comfort zone to reach toward a dream, navigating a challenging conversation, or simply going about your daily routine, your day is likely filled with stressors. We all have them, but we don’t always respond in productive ways. If you could be at your best, how might you respond differently? Find out by asking 3 key questions that can shift you into strengths when you’re stressed. Grounding yourself in your character strengths can help you feel more balanced, authentic, and confident.
3 Key Questions
Question #1: Who am I in the face of this situation?
This question speaks to how you’re feeling, thinking, or acting in the moment. Are you feeling calm and in control? Frustrated and impatient? Are your actions helping or hurting the situation? Your answer might be a gut reaction about who you are in that moment. It might not feel good.
Question #2: Who do I wish to be?
This question reflects the desire for a different response or outcome. We can’t be someone else, but we can often call forth our best more strongly. Reflecting on who you are when at your best and what you’re hoping to accomplish can help you frame an answer to this question.
Question #3: How can my character strengths help me right now?
This question creates a bridge from where you are to where you’d like to be, using your character strengths.
An example from my life is that, like 75% of Americans, I suffer from glossophobia, the fear of public speaking. I don’t experience a full-on panic attack, but I do feel lingering anxiety in the pit of my stomach. In these moments, I’m not in my best frame of mind. Once I get 5 minutes into the presentation, I’m fine. But sometimes 5 minutes is all you get to make an impression. I want it to be a good one.
Of course, preparing well in advance helps me feel less anxious. So does meditating and getting enough rest. Shifting into my strengths is also a go-to strategy. Below, I walk you through my answers to the 3 questions as I prepare for a presentation or workshop, which is when my anxiety typically begins.
Answer to Question #1: Who am I in the face of this situation?
I am a seasoned facilitator who feels anxious before a presentation. I’m also someone who loves to share wisdom with others and help them live into their strengths. But I sometimes withdraw when feeling strained or nervous, which hurts my ability to connect with people.
Answer to Question #2: Who do I wish to be?
I wish to exude a sense of calmness, create an exceptional learning experience, and navigate unanticipated challenges with grace and humility.
Answer to Question #3: How can my character strengths help me right now?
Perspective, one of my top strengths, kicks in naturally to help me think about what went well in prior presentations, notice how I managed challenges, and remember what I learned. Prudence, a lower strength, helps me plan what I might do differently next time. Elevating Humor, my #2 strength, almost always puts a smile on my face.
These strengths provide a springboard to help me feel confident. My anxiety lessens as the positive energy flows from engaging my strengths. You might say my preparation process has become strengths-based.
This process was so helpful to me that I posted these answers in my office as a reminder to shift into my strengths. If you had a fear of speaking, you’d probably use other character strengths. Perhaps Social Intelligence to focus on your audience or Creativity to brainstorm your own strategies for managing pre-presentation anxiety.
Give it a try!
Answering these questions can be difficult in the moment. Doing so in hindsight is much easier, so you could start by reflecting on a situation from the past. Try it, and remember that whatever the stressor, your 24 character strengths are capacities available to serve you and those around you.
Rise and Thrive in 2019!
Do you know anyone navigating a life transition, striving to achieve a difficult goal, or simply interested in infusing their work or life with strengths? If so, please invite them to rise and thrive with other strengths enthusiasts from around the world. Virtual groups for Rise and Thrive in 2019: A Strengths-Fueled Path begin February 19. They’re filling now, so don’t delay! For details, go here.