A Series of Practices to Cultivate Strength and Resilience – Loving Kindness Meditation

“It’s all just too much.” 

This was the subject line of a digital news article I read recently, referring to the deadly pandemic, racial injustices, and a divided country. The author highlighted that African Americans, in particular, are paying a high price in terms of deaths, economic disparity, and declining mental health. 

We see this and too many other heartbreaking injustices in daily life. I’m noticing my character strength of fairness being triggered often, and I’ve come to realize that one of the small things I can do to help is share strength-based practices.

Collectively, we might not be able to solve these injustices in an instant, but we can bring more humanity into daily life and lessen the divisions that exist. Even within families, people with whom we disagree, and people we’ve never met. 

There’s something we can all do right now to help ease the pain and suffering: practice a loving-kindness meditation (LKM). Rooted in the humanity virtue, this practice helps you mentally direct love and kindness to yourself and others.

The Inspiration

We all have the capacity to show kindness, but too often we direct it towards certain people or groups, and not others. Ironically, it’s not unusual to neglect those we love the most, showing them the least amount of kindness and love.  

Research on the LKM highlights a wide array of positive results, many of which are needed at this time in our history. Obviously, performing LKM strengthens our expression of love and kindness, but you might not be aware that it also helps us react more positively to others, reduces the focus on ourselves, and helps reduce racial bias. Even a short session under 10 minutes can provide benefits. 

To feel the inspiration, you should give it a try yourself.

The Practice

The loving kindness meditation is about mentally directing goodwill inward toward ourselves and outward toward others by repeating a series of 4 phrases, silently or out loud.

You will complete it four times. The first time through, direct the loving-kindness inward. Repeat the following phrases to yourself as you close your eyes and breathe deeply:

May I (you, we all) feel protected and safe.
May I (you, we all) be healthy and well.
May I (you, we all) experience joy and happiness often.
May I (you, we all) live with ease.

The second time through, direct the loving-kindness toward someone you feel thankful for such as a loved one or someone who has helped you. Close your eyes and bring that person to mind. Picture why you’re thankful or why you love this person. Then begin the LKM.

Next, challenge yourself to direct loving kindness to someone whom you are not fond of. This might be easier than you think and help you to feel better about the internal dissonance you feel. This person might be someone you know or someone you’ve never met. Close your eyes and picture this person, then begin.

Finally, close your eyes and widen your view to family, your community, country, and the world. Direct loving kindness to all. Try it yourself, then share it with others.

The Reflection

I felt differently after completing the loving kindness meditation.
This difference can be described as ______________.

Perhaps you felt, as I did, that your sense of human connection was reinforced and that we are truly in this together.  Perhaps you felt more at ease or relaxed.  Feel free to elaborate on your reflection by journaling about it or discussing it with a trusted friend or colleague.

May you live with ease.

With love and kindness,

A Series of Practices to Cultivate Strength and Resilience – The Mindful Pause

To say we are in a time of unprecedented upheaval would be a gross understatement, given the pandemic, economic downturn, and widespread looting and rioting in the United States. Still, as we face the difficult challenges of rebuilding and making systemic societal changes, there are many inspiring opportunities to also build up hope, courage, and each other. 

We can probably benefit the most from strength-based practices during times like these. They can shift who we are and how we approach adversity. However, the challenge is it’s difficult in the moment to shift from fear, frustration, anger, and anxiety – when I’m certainly not at my best – to peace, strength, and good will to others. 

Nonetheless, we can choose to respond from a position of strength rather than raw emotion. The question is how? When life is humming along smoothly, it’s easier to envision staying in the strengths lane. What about when we feel chronically anxious and stressed? 

The practice below is a method that can help you shift your inner feelings and perspective from anxiety to strength, even when that may feel impossible to achieve. It prepares you to choose how you will face what comes next in your day. 

It isn’t a cure-all, but it can certainly become one of your go-to practices. You’ll need no special materials for this simple, 60-second practice. Best of all, you can do it almost anywhere, anytime. It’s called the Mindful Pause.  

The Inspiration

You have the power to choose your response to virtually every situation you face. As you think about tackling your next life challenge, ask yourself: “Who do I wish to be in the face of this next challenge?”

Whether you’re preparing to address a friend or family member with conflicting views or mustering up the courage to have a conversation with your kids about social injustice, this practice is a helpful tool to get you grounded in strength and resilience.

Many prefer to be grounded in character strengths – for instance, bravery, perseverance, prudence, or kindness – rather than fear and anxiety. If you’re unsure of your unique blend of character strengths, feel free to take the free character strengths survey to discover yours.

The Mindful Pause is a powerful research-based character strengths intervention that I chose to feature in my guidebook, 30 Days of Character Strengths, because of its ease and impact. I love sharing this practice with friends, family, clients, and webinar participants because they quickly experience the shift from not being at their best to inner strength and authenticity. 

Personally, I like to take Mindful Pauses throughout my day. For instance, I pause before presentations, client calls, and team meetings. Just ask my marketing team at Grotto Marketing – we’re all taking a Mindful Pause before each of our calls to feel strengths-fueled and ready to tackle what’s on our agenda. 

Give it a try! 

The Practice

The Mindful Pause has three simple steps:

  1. Pause, close your eyes, and take six deep breaths. Remember to match the length of your inhalations and exhalations. As your mind wanders during this short time, which it will do, simply bring your focus back to your breath. 
  2. After you’ve taken six breaths, silently ask yourself the following question: Which of my character strengths will help me with what comes next? Allow one strength to come into your awareness, and try not to force one in.
  3. Take one final breath, open your eyes, and shift your awareness to the present moment. Consider the strength that came to mind and think of one way to apply that strength as you continue your day.

As you begin this practice, the graphic below is a handy reminder of the 24 character strengths. In addition, this website is a helpful resource that offers ways to put strengths into action. Simply click on the strength you chose. 

The Reflection

The Mindful Pause helped me shift from _________ to _________.

In other words, how were you thinking, feeling, or behaving before you took the pause? Who or what did it allow you to shift into? Perhaps you shifted from anxious to focused, or confused to confident. Feel free to elaborate by journaling or discussing with a trusted friend or colleague.

May you go forward, grounded in what’s best within you and ready to face what’s next, with strength and resilience. 


A Series of Practices to Cultivate Strength and Resilience – Amplify a Signature Strength

“You can’t be anything you want to be —
but you can be a whole lot more of who you already are.”

– Tom Rath, bestselling author and 
expert on strengths in the workplace

In a recent spring-cleaning project, I discovered a bin in the back corner of my basement. It held my high school yearbooks from decades ago. Feeling nostalgic, I picked one up and flipped through the colorful markings and handwritten notes left by my classmates.

Throughout the stories of misadventures, brief confessions of feelings, and bursts of teen-aged wisdom, I noticed one predominant theme: Never change.

“Stay who you are honeybuns,” said one. “You’re so fun – stay that way,” said another. 

Never change? Really?!

It turns out, this is some of the best advice I’ve ever received. 

The Inspiration

We often hear that one of the only constants in life is change. Through the ups and downs of my life – navigating single parenthood, overcoming cancer, and transitioning into a new career – I have found this to be true.

However, we can choose to keep what’s best within us the same, and even develop those qualities. Then, “never change” truly is great advice. We know this to be true from research about signature strengths in the field of positive psychology.  

Signature strengths are personality traits that reflect what’s best within you. Research shows that people who focus on their signature strengths are more likely to flourish in their work; have less stress, anxiety and depression; have more confidence; and experience more positive outcomes in virtually every facet of life.

So, what are your best traits? If you aren’t aware of your unique signature strengths, I invite you to discover them by taking the character strengths survey. Your signature strengths will be in the top 5-7 of your results.

I find it ironic that during my high school years, when everything seemed to be changing, my classmates and I urged each other to stay the same. Many yearbook comments reflected my signature strengths, which I lean on every day to face daily challenges and opportunities.

For example: 

“You were a great listener when I had problems with my love life.” (Perspective)

“No, seriously you are…always fun to be around.” (Humor)

And a favorite: “…your personality is a rare, but good one.”

That last comment was a testament to how a friend appreciated my uniqueness. It made me laugh out loud! 

You don’t need to make yourself over to transform your work or life. By focusing on your signature strengths, you can not only grow and change but also live more deeply into who you are. In Tom Rath’s words, “…you can be a whole lot more of who you already are.”

So, never change? Absolutely!

The Practice

Try living into a top signature strength by following these two simple steps:

  1. Develop an awareness of your signature strengths, and
  2. Practice engaging them with intention.

This practice will help you accomplish both. 

I invite you to choose one signature strength. If you wish to skip taking the survey at this time, choose one strength from the graphic below that resonates with you. 

Practice using the strength you’ve chosen in a new way. If you’re unsure how to think about this, consult this character strengths resource from the University of Toronto and select the strength you chose. 

To challenge yourself, try engaging this strength in a new way each day for the next week to help you relax and de-stress, achieve a meaningful goal, overcome an obstacle to a goal, or make a deeper connection with someone important. 

If you get stuck, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I love helping people live into their signature strengths!

The Reflection

When using my signature strength of _______, I noticed that _______.

Take your time with this reflection. Perhaps journal about it or talk it through with someone you trust. You might notice that you felt more confident or energized, had an “aha” moment about an obstacle you faced or approached a situation or person with a different perspective. 

Just notice what happens when you engage a signature strength, and feel free to try this practice with other signature strengths.

May you live into who you are when at your best, today and every day. 


A Series of Practices to Cultivate Strength and Resilience – A Spoonful of Humor

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Broken pencil.
Broken pencil who?
Never mind, it’s pointless!

Not everyone likes a corny knock-knock joke, but I do. Whether you prefer playfulness, cleverness, or full-on belly laughing, we can all probably use a spoonful of humor to provide levity right now.

It’s easy to forget to laugh and have fun when what’s happening around and within us is so serious. Each of us is facing our own bundle of inconveniences, losses, and sacrifices. Humor can provide a brief, but necessary, respite from these stressors.

There are potentially infinite ways to cultivate humor. And great news: You don’t have to be a stand-up comic to appreciate and share humor.

The Inspiration

Over the past few weeks, the character strength humor, the human capacity for laughter and playfulness, has been coming up often in my personal and professional conversations.  For instance, I recently hosted a virtual family Zoom birthday party for my younger sister. One highlight was the guest appearance by Tito, the rescued cow, from Luvin Arms Animal Sanctuary. Tito was invited by my older sister as a surprise. We were told his appearance is a way to change up the flow of Zoom calls. It did! It was very “amooooooosing!” Perhaps even “moooooving.” 

Humor can help us shift from tension to relaxation. Our personal experiences, along with research, support this. Here’s a great article from the Mayo Clinic about the benefits of humor. It mentions that humor:

  • Lowers the stress response, depression, and anxiety
  • Helps relieve pain
  • Reduces blood pressure and heart rate
  • Boosts our ability to cope

As long as it isn’t at the expense of others or ill-timed, humor is a strength that can be practiced and developed. However, situations that end in hurt feelings or insult may be due to the overuse of humor. We each have our own sensitivities, so when we’re with others it’s important to engage in humor judiciously, based on knowledge of the situation and the audience involved.

When you pause in your day for a coffee or water break, think about adding a spoonful of humor. Although this practice is not a substitute for professional medical care, it might be just the right prescription for your body and mind right now.

The Practice

Below are a few things you can do to bring more humor into your life. Of course, you can also play with your own ideas. Humor is contagious, so think about sharing a spoonful with others for multiples of fun!

  1. Try laughter yoga. Whether you’re genuinely laughing or just making laughter sounds, your body is getting the same health benefits.
  2. Watch and share funny videos. I’ve shared these laughing quadruplets many times, and they never fail to amuse.
  3. Find and share the jokes you enjoy. Google “funny jokes” and you’ll find thousands of sources. You’ll have to find the sources that resonate with you.
  4. Have a conversation using different voices or accents.
  5. Watch improv. I love the zany antics in Whose Line Is It Anyway? Notice the overuse of humor toward the end.

The Reflection

Adding a bit more humor into my day _____________________. 

My reflection, for example, is:

Adding a bit more humor into my day provided much-needed lightness and the sense that I could breathe fully for the first time in a while.

Take your time with this reflection. You might wish to journal or speak with a trusted friend about it. Feel free to let your thoughts flow, free of self-judgment.

Try a spoonful of humor. It might be just what the doctor ordered!

A Series of Practices to Cultivate Strength and Resilience – Shift From Wrong to Strong

In these extraordinary times, we’re encountering a dizzying array of unwanted challenges and disruptions in daily life. Many of us cannot connect in person with family, friends, and teammates. Others have lost work and opportunities. Sadly, there are even more tragic repercussions. It’s enough to create a sense of hopelessness in even the most positive people.

Fortunately, research around character strengths shows us how to shift into what’s strong to help us face virtually every situation with strength and resilience. Character strengths reflect who we are and how we contribute.Since COVID-19 entered our lives, I’ve noticed that my top strength, creativity, is calling my name to help navigate difficult situations. For instance, during a stressful text exchange with my sister, I offered a few novel ways to solve a family problem. I was tempted to avoid replying – it was late on a Sunday evening, and I was tired. Creativity gave me the capacity to engage. Channeling creativity didn’t change the stressor, but it shifted me toward my best, kept me grounded and allowed me to contribute from a position of strength.

Most likely, your signature strengths look different than mine. Your top strength might be hope, giving you the power to envision a positive, yet realistic, future. Or, your number one strength might be bravery, making you a force that gives a voice to the voiceless. 

No matter your signature strengths, your unique contributions are sorely needed in your home life, work life and community. But, here’s the thing: although the idea of engaging strengths seems appealing to virtually everyone, not everyone practices living into them. The value comes from putting them into practice.

The Inspiration

In my work with individuals and groups, I’ve noticed a variety of obstacles to living into one’s strengths. Below are two of the most common:

  • We don’t have the language to describe what’s good and strong within ourselves. Growing up, many of us learned to avoid speaking of ourselves in positive ways due to modesty concerns. We’re good at describing what’s wrong and what we can do better, but not who we are at our best.
  • The human brain is hardwired to attend to what’s wrong – problems, challenges and weaknesses. We’re often not aware this is happening. What doesn’t work attracts us like a magnet.

Luckily the fist item can be addressed by taking the free, scientific character strengths assessment taken by more than 10 million people globally. In about 15 minutes, you can discover your unique strengths profile.

The second is more complex. Humans have a natural instinct dating back to ancient times to scan the environment for threats. This instinct remains active in us today. Although helpful in some circumstances, it’s also a reason we can over-invest time and resources dwelling on what’s wrong at the expense of what’s strong.

There’s so much that feels wrong about life during this pandemic, but you can shift into what’s strong to feel a greater sense of ease, energy and flow. Research shows that building strengths is where our greatest contributions lie.

I invite you to experience for yourself how shifting from wrong to strong can create positive results. The following practice is inspired by the work of Michelle McQuaid, an expert in positive organizational leadership. 

The Practice

For this practice, you’ll need a pen and some paper.

  1. Place a pen in your dominant hand, then write your full name.
  2. Switch the pen to your non-dominant hand. Again, write your full name.
  3. Describe the differences between your two experiences

Many people describe writing with the non-dominant hand as more effortful, difficult, and time-consuming. They aren’t as pleased with the outcome. 

Often, this is what it feels like to improve a weakness. If you practiced writing with your non-dominant hand, you could probably improve over time. However, it would likely take many hours to progress, let alone achieve the same results.

Conversely, writing with the dominant hand typically has an ease and flow. It’s faster and requires less effort. The results are pleasing. Often, this is what it feels like to build, and live into, our strengths.

The Reflection

Begin by bringing one of your signature strengths to mind. If you don’t know your top strengths, you can discover them now, or simply use the graphic below as a reminder of the 24 character strengths. Then return to the reflection. 

As I tackle my next challenge today, my strength of _____ can help me by _____.

Think of one way you can put this strength into action and then try it as you go forward.

A Series of Practices to Cultivate Strength and Resilience – The Power of Rituals

As we adjust to our new ‘normal,’ time continues to march forward. We’re in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, yet people all over the world are celebrating religious holidays like Easter and Passover. Steeped in rituals, these traditions can help us feel comforted when under duress.

As one of the 24 character strengths, spirituality is about connecting with meaning and purpose in daily life. It’s accessible to all of us, not only those who practice organized religions. Notice that within the word itself lies the noun, ‘ritual.’ In times of hardship, rituals can be powerful tools for managing stress and emotions. 

The Restorative Power of Ritual, a Harvard Business Review article, describes how we can expand our perspective on the power of rituals. Mike Norton, a Harvard Business School professor who studied the effects of rituals on well-being, says that:

  • In the face of loss, rituals can help us feel less grief,
  • Rituals with families can make us feel closer, and
  • Rituals between partners can reinforce their commitment to each other.

These rituals don’t need to continue forever, only while they’re helpful. 

The Inspiration

This week’s practice is designed to help you discover a comforting ritual of your own. As I was completing this practice myself, I discovered a ritual that’s both meaningful and comforting. Each morning after my cup of coffee, I listen to the Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli duet of the song, “The Prayer.” Many thanks for a friend of mine who shared a video of herself singing this song on Facebook. She was my inspiration.

Why did I choose this? For me, music is like a salve that soothes. It connects me with some of the most meaningful experiences in my life, like singing in a choir at the Berlin Wall many years ago or performing a holiday program in a local nursing home. Music fills me with positive emotions like hope and joy. In my experience, it can be a unifying power. It may seem strange, but at this time, it’s what comforts me. 

Now, I invite you to give it a go. There isn’t a “recipe” you can follow, but the reflection and practice below will help guide you in discovering your own comforting ritual.

The Reflection

Begin your reflection by pondering this thought: 

“When facing difficulty in the past, the rituals that brought me the most comfort were…”

Take your time with this reflection. You might wish to journal or speak with a trusted friend about it. Feel free to let your thoughts flow, free of self-judgement as you fill in the dots.

The Practice

  1. Choose a ritual from your reflection that might bring comfort to you now. It can be religious or not, that choice is yours

  2. As an option to #1, craft your own new ritual as I did. Gather inspiration from anything or anyone you feel drawn to – nature, other people, something you read online, etc.

  3. Complete the ritual you’ve created, and decide if continuing it would be helpful. If you’re not sure, try it and see.

  4. Verbally, internally, or in writing, describe how your ritual provides you with comfort.

If you choose to do so, share your ritual with someone you trust. Perhaps even invite them to create their own.

Whether you describe yourself as religious, spiritual, or something else, I leave you with the lyrics from the award-winning song, “The Prayer,” by David Foster, Carole Bayer Sager, Alberto Testa, and Tony Renis. Perhaps a phrase or word will inspire you in some small way.

The Prayer

I pray you’ll be our eyes and watch us where we go
And help us to be wise in times when we don’t know
Let this be our prayer
When we lose our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we’ll be safe

A Series of Practices to Cultivate Strength and Resilience – The Swamp and The Pond

Every day, we’re being overloaded with news of the COVID-19 pandemic – how to stay healthy, the latest data, and other updates. I don’t know about you, but my attention span is waning, and I’m having trouble taking it all in. Although it doesn’t always come naturally, I have found myself wanting to shift my attention more often towards what’s going well and connecting with loved ones during these times of physical distance. 

As we are all adapting, I will be sharing A Series of Practices to Cultivate Strength and Resilience, designed to provide a few moments of respite as we navigate through extraordinary times. Steeped in research from the field of positive psychology – the scientific study of human flourishing – and my own experiences, this series is designed to cultivate a bit of positivity each day. 

Colleagues, friends, and family find these practices straightforward, yet impactful when it comes to feeling resilient and improving their well-being. Most will take just a few minutes to complete. I encourage you to practice and share them with family, friends, roommates, or teams.

I hope you enjoy your first short practice. Without further ado, I introduce to you: “The Swamp and The Pond.”

Science informs us that it’s possible to find light in times of darkness. My mentor and positive psychology expert Maria Sirois has helped me put this into perspective using this practice.

In her teaching, Maria likes to use the metaphor of a swamp and pond to capture a typical day in our lives. It’s easy to spend a lot of time in the swap, especially as we navigate the pandemic and its aftermath. From minor annoyances to major losses, fears, and anxieties, we might characterize many of life’s difficulties as “swampy.”

And yet, we have the power to pave the way towards positive moments. Relief in times of stress. Strong connections during times of distance. Reassurance that things will be okay no matter how bad they may seem. These positive experiences might be characterized as being in “the pond.”

When we stop to notice, the pond is filled with little and big things that elevate us — feeling grateful, having a moment of levity, receiving good news about a work project or medical test, and the list goes on. 

Just a few moments can change our bodies and minds, and prepare us for what comes next. We do have the power to choose to spend more time in the pond, even just a bit more, to boost self-care practices, build internal strength, and stay connected. As we live during fearful times and experience anxiety, let’s choose practices that sustain us.

The Practice

Identify one way to spend more time in the pond today. Then try it out. 

  1. To begin, take two pieces of paper and draw a large shape representing the swamp on one and the pond on the other. Draw any shape you choose. I like to use a kidney bean shape.
  2. In your swamp shape, write down everything that feels swampy right now. The argument you had with your partner, a friend who became ill, or your wedding that was canceled.
  3. Next, write down all the contents of your pond right now. Gratitude for your friend who checked in on you, having a warm place to sleep, or anything or anyone you appreciate and value right now.
  4. Step back and look at your work. Notice that some things or people might be in both places. Notice that these things occur on the same day. It’s the same day.
  5. Go on to the reflection prompt below and identify one way to spend a bit more time in the pond. Then try it out. 

The Reflection

If I spent a few more minutes today doing ________, I might be able to ________. 

My reflection, for example, is:

If I spent a few more minutes today moving in a joyful way rather than sitting at my computer, I might feel more energized and less glum.”

Take your time with this reflection. You might wish to journal or speak with a trusted friend about it. Feel free to let your thoughts flow, free of self-judgment. Come up with as many options as you like. Then choose one and put it into practice.

A colleague of mine has reframed the term “social distancing” to “safe spacing.” As I am settling into my safe space, I hope you will find yours. One that allows you to spend more time in the pond. 

Now, I’m going to get up from my laptop and take a walk around the block in the sunshine. 


Part 2: Scrap Your 2020 Resolution. Try This Instead!

In the new year, many of us resolve to do things differently, like take better care of ourselves or be more patient at work. Unfortunately, we like to think and talk about making these changes rather than actually doing something differently. This is one of the reasons so few of us keep our resolutions. Why not scrap them and try something that works?

It turns out we can’t think our way to positive, lasting change. We need to behave differently, and the 30-day practice can facilitate that shift in behavior. In part 1 of this article, you can get an introduction to the 30-day practice – what it is, why you should create one, and how I’ve led successful 30-day practices.

This is part 2. It offers a step-by-step guide to setting one up and gaining insights and tips from experienced 30-day practice enthusiasts who have improved our health, boosted relationships, and completed meaningful projects.

Why Is Habit Change So Difficult?

Even a small change like getting to bed 15 minutes earlier can be a challenge. The habits you currently have, harmful or helpful, in your brain are like the snow tracks created from sledding down a slope over and over. In Norman Doidge’s book The Brain That Changes Itself, the metaphor continues:

“…if you spend your entire afternoon sledding down, walking up, sledding down…there will be tracks that you have created, and it is very difficult now to get out of those tracks. And those tracks are not genetically determined anymore.”

These mental “tracks” lead to habits. The habits can be harmful or helpful but the process is the same and they are often difficult to change. For instance, if you develop poor posture that’s difficult to correct.

The 30-Day Practice Can Help

The good news is you can create new tracks that lead to healthful habits through repetition and time. How much time depends on the person and the desired change. Habit change can take from a few weeks to a few months or longer. The 30-day practice can get you started on the path to positive, lasting change. If you need more time, you can always continue the practice.

How to Set One Up

Below are the steps I suggest for setting up and following a 30-day practice. I incorporated tips and insights I’ve learned from completing over fifty 30-day practices. Each one served as a pathway to better self-care, learning and growing, or attaining meaningful goals.

Choose a Practice

Sounds simple, right? This can be one of the most difficult parts of the practice. Remember, you want to choose a practice that will help you pursue a valued outcome.

For instance, at a particularly difficult time in my life, when suffering through a serious illness, I missed my #2 strength humor and the playfulness that comes with it. Life isn’t always playful, but that didn’t mean I had to choose to be in a dark funk 24/7.

A mentor invited me to step into just two minutes of pure pleasure each day. I accepted the invitation and chose activities that brought that pleasure. Some days it was simply sitting in the warm sunshine for two minutes. Other days it was two minutes of funny videos that made me laugh and enjoy myself.

Over 30 days, two minutes became 5 and then 10. I became more mindful of the lightness, which grew. My practice didn’t cause the darkness to recede, but it boosted my mood and reduced anxiety, even if momentarily. It was like pressing a reset button, which was helpful in my recovery.

Start Small

Initially, choose a 2% or 5% step. These are tiny, doable steps to get you started. Two minutes of pure pleasure was a 2% step. I knew I had 2 minutes to spare daily, and I felt that was doable. Two minutes might sound laughable, and I could have started with 30 minutes, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Remember, this is about positive habit formation where the focus is on repeating a particular behavior.

Make It Clear and Specific

You need to know if you took action or not. In my example, I either spent the two minutes or I didn’t. Maybe I spent more or less but the fact that I did it was what mattered.

Build In Accountability

I posted a calendar on my refrigerator and at the end of the day, checked off the days I completed my practice. It was satisfying to do so on the days I did, and I had a visual image of how I was doing overall. You might use a similar method. Or you might instead have a daily check-in with a buddy doing his or her own practice.

Set Reminders to Practice

I can almost guarantee that you will skip days or forget to practice. You might even decide you don’t want to practice. Your practice doesn’t need to be perfect to be effective. Still, the more you practice, the better grooved the “track” becomes. Keep yourself on track by posting sticky notes in a prominent place or setting daily alerts on your phone.

Begin Your Practice Again and Again

When you skip a day, forgive yourself and simply return to your practice. The return is one of the most important elements of your 30-day practice. By returning, you continue grooving those tracks in your brain rather than discounting all the progress you’ve already made. If you have a tendency to berate yourself for not being perfect, perhaps you could focus your next 30-day practice on tempering that overuse of appreciation of beauty and excellence!

Be Flexible

If you have little positive energy around your practice after several weeks, you might need to tweak it or even pivot to another more engaging 30-day practice.

Use Your Character Strengths

Creativity will help you set up the right practice. Prudence will help you plan and schedule practice time. Zest will help you get into action. Self-regulation can help you return to the practice when you skip a few days. Perseverance will help you finish. Humor can help you enjoy yourself along the way. All 24 can help you navigate roadblocks and complete your practice, but your signature strengths might help the most.

Which of your signature strengths might be helpful? If you’re not sure what they are, discover your strengths here or check out my book, a 30-day guided strengths practice, or register for my Power Up session.

I’m Here to Help

I’ve witnesses hundreds 30-day practices helping people introduce positive changes into their lives, from reading more to focusing more time on hobbies, relaxing, writing books, exercising more, reducing sugar intake, drinking more water, and many others.

What would you like your 30-day practice to be about? Make sure it’s something that is important, meaningful, or valuable. It should elicit positive energy in you, not drain you, as you think about it. If it is draining, change it up until it’s energizing.

As you get started, let me know if you’re feeling stuck or confused along the way. I love helping people experience positive changes in their lives! Feel free to contact me.

Keep me posted!


Doidge, N. (2010). The brain that changes itself: Stories of personal triumph from the frontiers of brain science. New York: Penguin Books, p. 209.

Part 1: Scrap Your 2020 Resolution. Try This Instead!

Did you make a New Year’s resolution for 2020? Unfortunately, only about 8% of Americans who set resolutions keep them. Maybe it’s too early to tell whether you’re in the 8 or 92 percent. Even if you didn’t make a resolution, it’s likely you’ll pursue some sort of valued outcome in 2020. Reduce stress, lose weight, exercise more, save money, travel, learn a new skill, get a promotion. As you do, think of the advice from this article: scrap your resolution and try this instead!

What Is ‘This?

‘This’ is about creating positive changes that last. In other words, positive habit formation. Instead of resolutions, which often don’t produce results, try a 30-day practice supported by your character strengths.

Full disclosure: the 30-day practice isn’t a scientifically derived framework, but it is grounded in science. Most importantly, it works. I’ve seen hundreds of people use the 30-day practice to become healthier, enjoy life, and get things done, one small positive habit at a time. I’ve used it myself, completing more than fifty 30-day practices over the past years. My character strengths helped along the way.

When people use their character strengths, they follow their own will and natural capacities to fulfill their potential and achieve their goals, which would lead to valued outcomes such as achievements and well-being. (Linley and Harrington, 2006)

A 30-Day Practice Helped Me Finish My Book

In late 2017 I was struggling to finish writing my book 30 Days of Character Strengths: A Guided Practice to Ignite Your Best. Every author finds his or her own writing rhythm. Some write all weekend, week, or month. I elevated prudence, a lower strength, and scheduled blocks of time in my calendar for writing. Unfortunately, this precious time got sucked up by other priorities.

As time passed, my confidence waned. Who was I to think I could write a book? I thought about giving up many times. However, I knew in my heart this work was needed in the world. Perseverance, a lower strength, helped me keep pushing forward.

Ironically, my book is a 30-day practice. It guides the reader to cultivate his or her character strengths, starting with basic activities that grow in complexity. How could I ask my readers to do something I wasn’t willing to do? My sense of fairness, a middle strength, wouldn’t allow that. I began a 30-day writing practice.

Getting Engaged Was Easy – Staying Engaged Was Hard

Starting with just 5 minutes per day, Monday through Friday, I committed to sitting down first thing each morning, setting a timer, and writing for 5 minutes. Even if it was gibberish. No judgment. I figured everyone has 5 spare minutes in their day – even me.

I wrote 5 minutes almost daily for several weeks. Occasionally, I forgot so I posted sticky note reminders on my laptop and set alerts on my phone. I felt some resistance to this structure, and seeing these reminders felt annoying at times but I spent the 5 minutes writing anyway.

If I skipped a day, I used forgiveness, a middle strength, and decided not to berate myself. I returned to the practice the next day.

With trepidation, I dragged myself to my laptop many days. Other times the 5 minutes would stretch into 20. My practice was up and down for a while. I tried to accept this with openness and curiosity and focus on progress, not the end goal.

The Successes

Naturally, I felt energized to see the ideas leaving my head and getting captured on paper. With more visible signs of progress, I carved out even more time – an hour or more daily.

My #1 strength creativity helped me juggle my schedule to prioritize writing. My perspective, #3 strength, shifted and I got clearer about what was needed to finish – the hours of writing, the calendar time, the external help, the energy. This was key because then I could put a realistic plan in place to finish.

As I met each milestone, I knew I was up for the challenge of finishing. I even completed the 30-day practice in my book twice, to ensure I knew what kind of adventure I was leading my readers on.

In a nutshell, I’ve witnessed people boost relationships, health, happiness, and get a lot of important things done. The 30-day practice enlivened me and put me on the path to finishing my book. I established a positive writing habit, which I still tap into today. I’m not sure I would have finished without it. Along the way, my character strengths helped me overcome obstacles and accomplish one of my most meaningful goals.

Your Turn

Notably, of hundreds of people I’ve seen attempt a 30-day practice only one didn’t feel successful with it. She made the attempt numerous times, but it just didn’t fit with her lifestyle. Not everything works for everyone, but in my experience this practice works for most.

Why not give it a try? In part 2 of this post you’ll learn how to set up and lead your own 30-day practice. Then you can experiment with character strengths that will help along the way.

Step 1 involves choosing a practice. Start by putting on your creativity hat and brainstorming any meaningful, valued outcome that you’re excited about. Perhaps you wish to relax more, exercise 3 times a week, or use your strengths more vigorously. Pay close attention to what energizes you. Stay away from the “ought to do’s.”

Step 2 involves clarifying your practice so you know if you’ve accomplished it or not. “Meditate 5 minutes each day.” “Exercise for 15 minutes three times weekly.”  “Apply a signature strength to 3 routine duties at work daily.” Either you did or you didn’t.

Step 3 is getting started. In my next post, I’ll offer additional insights and tips for success. If you want support, I’d love to join you on your journey. Feel free to contact me. In the meantime, good luck!


Linley P. A., Harrington S. (2006). Strengths coaching: a potential-guided approach to coaching psychology. International Coaching Psychology Review. 1 37-46.

Boost Your Stress Resilience During the Holidays

Whether you’re celebrating Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, or the new year, this can be a time of both joy and sorrow, endings and beginnings. And stress.  Even if you’re in a good place in your life, there’s bound to be stress. You might need to navigate bad weather, difficult relationships, or juggling too much to do at work and home. When besieged by stress during the holidays, or any time of year, there are things you can do to boost your stress resilience. Your character strengths can help.

What is Stress Resilience?

The symptoms of life’s daily stressors – a racing heart, shortness of breath, difficulty concentrating – can trigger anxiety or fear. Most of us think of stress as the enemy because we’re afraid of its harmful effects on our bodies and minds. But studies have shown that we have everything we need to benefit from stress and in fact become stress resilient.

I’m not talking about long-term stress due to traumatic experiences. Chronic stress can increase the risk of illness, depression, and even death. If you’re suffering from chronic stress, know that this article is only a starting point and isn’t meant to replace other helpful options, like seeking professional help.

Resilience is about responding to adversity in healthful ways. Not everyone who encounters adversity is harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally by the experience. No two people respond to the same stressful situation in the same way. Those who fare better may be more stress resilient, which is about choosing a response that is beneficial, not harmful.  

Kelly McGonigal, Stanford lecturer and stress expert, says that the harmful effects of stress aren’t inevitable as she and other experts once thought they were. In her 2014 TED talk How To Make Stress Your Friend, she discusses how to change the body’s response to stress.

In other words, instead of working to rid yourself of stress you can practice responding to it differently. This isn’t meant to be a quick fix, but with practice you can learn to respond in healthier ways.

Two Ways to Respond Differently

#1 – Shift Your Beliefs and Thoughts About Stress

If you believe stress is the enemy, this message is especially for you. Studies have shown that if you believe stress is harmful, it probably will be. You might interpret physical changes – your heart pounding, rapid breathing, increased sweating – as signs of stress or anxiety. Although this is a natural response to stress, it can lead to an unproductive downward spiral of negative thinking and actions.

Instead, what if you could change that response to one that’s more accurate and helpful? If you begin to understand that the body is actually preparing you for the challenge you’re facing, you can change the way you think and feel about stress, and the body is likely to follow.

Where do character strengths fit in? For starters, engage Love of Learning, a wisdom strength, to help you understand what happens physically when the body is under stress. For instance:

  • Your body’s natural response is to release adrenaline, a stress hormone that initiates physical changes like increasing the heart rate, blood pressure, and oxygen flow. It kicks the body’s systems into high gear.
  • These physical changes help ensure that more oxygen is getting to the brain and other organs.
  • Your energy level increases, preparing you to take action and rise to whatever challenge you face.

Below are other ways your character strengths can help you practice choosing how you respond to stress:

  • Use Self-Regulation to notice and name the signs of stress as they’re occurring – the racing heart, the sweating, rapid breathing. Remind yourself that your body is preparing you to rise to the challenge.  
  • Use your other wisdom strengths to learn more about what’s going on around and within you.   Use your Creativity and Curiosity to personify the stress and ask yourself: What is this stress telling me to do? Or not do? Use Perspective to take a wider view of the situation and Judgment to think critically about what’s happening.

Your top strengths might be even more helpful than the ones I’m naming but engaging them when under stress might seem like a stretch. If you’d like help unpacking this, please contact me.  I love helping people use their strengths to boost stress resilience!

#2 – Connect With Others

In addition to adrenaline, there’s a lesser-known hormone that’s also part of the stress response: oxytocin. Oxytocin is a natural anti-inflammatory that may help regulate fear and anxiety. Oxytocin is also known for its role in social bonding.

In a stressful situation, the release of oxytocin motivates you to seek social support. Below are a few simple actions you can take when under duress:

  • Tell someone how you feel.
  • Surround yourself with people who care about you.
  • If you have an instinct to withdraw, try to resist it.  

How can your character strengths help? Try tapping into any of the three humanity strengths that support strong relationships: Love, Kindness, and Social Intelligence. If any of these are your signature strengths, you might already be naturally engaging them.

If these are your middle or lower strengths, you can bring them forth at any time. Call a trusted friend or family member. Give, or ask for, a long hug. Allow yourself a form of Kindness you might not normally extend to yourself – time to read a good book or a meal out with a friend.

In addition to the humanity strengths, perhaps the courage strengths would help you connect with others. Persevering through difficult conversations can help you connect with others despite the anxiety or fear you might be feeling. Zest can activate the energy you need to stay engaged. Brave actions you’ve taken in the past might inform what you do in the present situation. Honesty might help you to feel more open and real rather than self-conscious.

In stressful situations, you are the best person to Judge which of your strengths will be most helpful.  If that seems unclear or overwhelming, we can begin to address this in a brief 1:1 coaching session.    

Trust Yourself to Handle Life’s Challenges

McGonigal says that when you view stress in this way, you’re trusting yourself to handle life’s challenges. And you’re remembering that you don’t have to face them alone.

We’ve been given the gift of having everything we need to care for ourselves and others, especially when under duress. In a season that seems full of bright lights and shiny objects, perhaps that is the biggest and best gift of all. Take good care during these holidays.


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